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Alanis Moreupset


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Miranda Lambird Hey how you been? I hope you're doing alright It seems like you're better from the posts I see time to time I know we haven't talked in a while It's 'cause I'm still a mess, in fact I'm doing worse somehow But I just want you to know I'm glad you're doing better and staying sober because I'm still drinking myself to sleep at least a couple of nights every week because it's really hard to survive I wake up each day wishing I weren't alive But seeing you happy gives me hope That one day my life won't just be me trying to cope So even though we don't talk anymore I'm really glad that we knew each other Broken Mirror blood saturated hands glass decorated floors an isolated mind over stimulated nerves open wounds, closed doors blood occludes, the sores and the reflections, refract so obscure dead silence now yet violence stirs the turbulence lingers the malevolence heard open wounds, closed doors blood occludes, the sores and the reflections, refract so obscure a contorted mess a distorted view multifaceted eyes provide tainted images open wounds, closed doors blood occludes, the sores and the reflections, refract so obscure from this broken mirror this broken mirror my friend, my friend you will not leave here my friend, my friend you'll not leave this broken mirror
Wake up every day, do the same routine Take my dog for walk and look at my phone screen Read about how the world's going to shit And how no one's doing anything to stop it Trying to do something to help with the existential pain So I go to my dealer to get some ketamine Tired of the world, I just want to escape So I do a few lines and start to disassociate Trying to leave behind the worries of the world But as I do more k my brain becomes unfurled Journeying into an unknown place As my body melts away, my mind begins to race Do a few more lines to banish my negative thoughts Trying not to think about agony and loss I'm just trying to feel less like shit for a second A few more lines should help with that, I reckon Falling deeper into a k-hole Losing all my motor control Can't feel anything anymore Wake up the next day on the floor I'm just trying to feel less depressed Be a little more comfortable with my existence So when I come to, I can help make a change Stop waking up to the world filled with suffering
I had long hair when I was growing up And people would call me a girl as an insult The real mean kids they'd call me Natalie Sticks and stones may break bones, but words traumatized me And as I started to explore my femininity The insults started coming more regularly They'd call me a faggot and say "you're not a girl, You've got a dick between your legs and a y chromosome" But it's alright to tell me, what you think about me And this sudden fear has got me trembling Man, I feel like a woman So I looked up how big your dick needs to be To call yourself a man, I mean anatomically 'Cause mine's kind of small and the joke when you're young Is that you're not a real man unless you're fucking hung The answer seems to depend on who you ask Because bigots often have conflicting opinions Like "love your neighbor as yourself" Next to "god hates fags" and "no one deserves a hand out" But you can be almost anything, when you're on your fucking knees Watching and waiting, commiserating Man, I feel like a woman My step-dad he called me a weirdo that wears dresses And while that's pretty much true, he was being malicious So I texted my mom when I came out as trans I said "if he calls me that again, I'll fucking kill him" And I wasn't welcome in their house before I sent that text But I needed them to know there are consequences For the shitty things you say and the way you act I needed them to know, that this faggot bashes back Because the best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun Oh, woh, oh, oh, beat the shit out of transphobes You can break their nose No one'll care, it's what they what they deserve Oh, woh, oh, oh, and I just want be free to feel the way I feel Man, I feel like a woman
Can't sleep and it's not 'cause of the speed It's this nightmare that we live in that we call reality Pay to live, from the moment were born Hell I'm surprised they don't charge rent before we're evicted the womb Get a job, you gotta earn your keep 'Cause you're only worth how much you make hourly To those privileged enough to sign your paychecks But can't spell bourgeoisie out of some kind of backwards poetic justice You gotta go to college, if you wanna make it count But your degree comes with compounding interest and a lifetime of doubt That you might not pay it off, with all the money from your new job 'Cause there's bills to pay and there's mouth's to feed including your landlord's and you boss' So we try and cope, by drinking every day And smoking and snorting anything that comes our way But it's somehow wrong, to cope using those things I've made the money that you've asked, just let me live this crack pipe dream in peace No peace, well the nightmare gets worse There are children in cages being separated from their parents And in the cities, well the mass incarcerations Are turning wage slavery into literal slave wages And the police they're murdering black people in the streets And in their homes and in their cars and even while they sleep And the response from far too many people Isn't abolition or reform it's just letting them murder more people They've commodified the land, that they stole so long ago From the native people that they've massacred And they're still, trying to steal more native land For oil pipelines and fireworks behind portraits in mountains So we keep trying to cope with all the same unhealthy mechanisms Fighting for what's right while pondering nihilism 'Cause it keeps getting worse with the passing of each day It's a crack pipe dream for sure, ç'est la vie et ça me tuera
Sleepwalker 02:43
When the violets are in bloom and the moon's in the sky And your insomnia's at an all time high You take a two week tour, you drive through the rain 'Cause there's nothing like two weeks of pain And on country roads there's lots of ice So be careful when you're driving at night You gotta manage your speed if you wanna make it through 'Cause the drive from Cinci to Philly, it'll will fuck with you And that glass on your drive should be crystal clear Make sure to check them rear view mirrors 'Cause the highway's dangerous with all that fog You gotta crank them tunes to stay awake so long 'Cause when there is no hope I'll smoke some meth and maybe rail some benzos Keep drinking that caffeine Chill out with some ketamine And in my ignorance I might just snort some fucking sass
Smoke bellows through crevices, twisted and gnarled Ash on every surface, cotton fills my mouth Shortness of breath, loss of appetite Skinny white bastard, devil's delight I hear god hates fags, so I guess this is irony? How long have I been smoking? Can I put this thing out? Spirits burn forever They burn forever So if hell's where I'm headed and hell's full of smoke I'll light up another as I begin to choke Cough up some tar, the burning begins Internal bleeding, maybe some spots on my lungs Eternal suffering, god damn what a joke How long have I been smoking? Can I put this thing out? My spirit's burning My spirit's burning And as I light an American Spirit Johnny Hobo's ghost asks how I can afford it The world's going to shit and I'm just singing this song About going to Hell and how I haven't done anything wrong But have I done anything to help at all? If you're neither hot nor cold you be spewed from his mouth If god's not a sadist then I'm not sure what one is And if there's Hell outside Michigan, this is it I can't remember a time I wasn't depressed Since I was born, I've been a fucking mess So when I die, if there's no repose I'm coming for you god, with all these lovely homos
They cruise around the neighborhood With protect and serve on the side of their car But if you need help I'd stay away That thin blue line is a masquerade You're more likely to get arrested or shot And they murder people without recourse So long as they say the law was being enforced And they'll make an excuse like they felt threatened Or the person they killed was holding a weapon You know like a remote control or a cell phone or anything else a person might hold So we keep having these big protests To try and put a stop to all the police violence But they decided to attack us in the streets And charge some protestors with inciting riots Guess the first amendment only applies when your burning crosses And I keep hearing people say "blue lives matter" Like cops had their gun and badge en utero But they made a conscious choice go be complicit That's why the proper sayings is "black lives matter" and "all cops are bastards" Even your uncle and Detective Pikachu and Inspector Gadget and Harry Potter and Naruto If you count the strings on my guitar You'll notice there's one missing at the end right there 'Cause I only use 11 strings in songs myself 'Cause everybody knows FUCK 12 Cop killer, better you than me Cop killer, fuck police brutality Ice-T said that And if you're still not sure you understand The only good cop's six feet underground I said that
Woke up this morning without the will to live My body keeps breathing despite the thoughts in my head I long for eternal sleep If an afterlife exists it's just another way for God to spite me Feed me to the dying earth I want to feel the cold embrace of the dirt Death comes for us all eventually But the older I get the more I think the one to pull the trigger will be me Will a hole in my head fill this hole in my heart? Guess a hole getting filled is how I got my start Strung out, depressed, melancholy, and forlorn I keep screaming to the void "I didn't ask to be born!" All I really want is some patience A way to calm this angry voice All I really want is deliverance From the pain that life causes I've been up for days without the will to live Filling the holes in my body with poison If the drugs and booze don't kill me, hopefully the sleep deprivation will 'Cause I'm tired of writing songs about killing myself
40 hours a week well it doesn't seem like much To the 168 that the week's made of Until you consider that there are 56 In the sleep schedules that doctors recommend So that's 72 hours to do what you want If you're lucky enough to only have one job 'Cause we're born to die and we get To live paycheck to paycheck Making all this money for companies That would happily replace us with unpaid machines But don't bite the hand that feeds, 'cause that's how the saying goes And they've got one hand in our pockets and the other on our throats The supply and demand it demands we comply Because every basic human need has been commodified And so we're working for the weekend To get fucked up with all our friends But if work is the reason that we drink and smoke Why do we keep going back to pay to cope? This fucked up cycle, well it really makes ya think Isn't this a little ironic? Don't you think? Don't you think? Isn't it a little ironic? Don't you think? Don't you think? Isn't it a little ironic? Ironic, ironic I bet you don't think I know what that means Ironic, ironic I bet you don't think I know what that means Well I know what it means, it's French Canadian Something about rain on your wedding day And if I had a nickel for every time I've heard "this company's different, we're like family here" I wouldn't need a fucking job anymore I'd have enough money to actually retire Because just like the families that we grew up with Our work families are fucking abusive So don't ask for a raise or think about calling off Or they'll try and make you thank them for your time on the clock Because we're born to cry and we get To grow up and become more depressed We're only worth as much as we can produce And they don't pay us enough to afford rope for the noose We're just cogs in their machines As replaceable as any other human being You live, you learn You love, you learn You cry, you learn You lose, your job And now I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away It's not fair to deny them, the money you lost their company Oughta know, oughta know; oughta know they'll fucking steal your soul Oughta know, oughta know; every company is awful Oughta know, oughta know; you, you oughta know Oughta know, oughta know; you, you oughta know And if another person tells me to get a real job I'm gonna kick their ass then kill my boss and landlord
It's a fucking collective carcinogen A disease dribbling dilapidation That reeks of desensitization Old traditions equals inspiration No real imagination As it declines into degradation It's a palpable palsy of sorts That just twists and contorts Takes the old imagery and distorts No more witty retorts No more angry reports Just words in a blender that the speaker aborts So I'll strum a couple chords to the beat of my heart and then sing it out for the love of the art Wake up the next day and don a uniform And work from nine to five or some other stupid shift Five days of the week I will conform 'cause as the saying goes "ya gotta eat too" Go to work in the morning, get fucked up at night Day after day til all seems trite Capitalism's a strain, y'all know it ain't right Let's get this boot off our necks, it's time to unite Probably get messy, probably be a fight But isn't that worth some basic human rights? Don't listen to that legal cacophony Let's not be fooled by the bureaucracy They'll come with open hands and a fake apology But that look in their eyes is hostility Liars practiced in hypocrisy They'll put another lock on the door and just call it democracy So I'll strum a couple chords to the beat of my heart and then sing it out for the love of the art Wake up the next day and don a black mask Kill a cop, politician, and a billionaire real fast No longer will I conform 'cause if we've gotta eat, that's what the rich are for You don't have to go hungry if you're poor if you gotta eat, that's what the rich are for Oliver Twist doesn't have to ask for more if you gotta eat, that's what the rich are for You don't have to go hungry if you're poor if you gotta eat, that's what the rich are for


Initial tracking at VHS by Wes Meadows and Willow Buckelew. Overdubs by each musician at home. Mixed and mastered by Wes Meadows of Flowerpot Records.

Album art by Naomi Hoke.

All songs written and performed by BIG GAY with the following exceptions:

Modified lyrics from New Mexico Song by Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains are used in Spirits Burn Forever and the song Skinny White Bastards by my friends CPR is referenced. cantplayright.bandcamp.com/track/skinny-white-bastards

Shania Twang or Reinventing Natty Bumppo uses a guitar part and lyrics from Man! I Feel Like A Woman! by Shania Twain as well as lyrics from Dammit by Blink 182, Welcome to Paradise by Green Day, Walking Is Still Honest by Against Me!, and All The Small Things by Blink 182.

Modified lyrics from 500 Channels by Choking Victim are used in Sleepwalker and Alanis Moreupset. On that note, Stza from Choking Victim is a piece of shit and you shouldn't support his projects.

Lyrics from Cop Killer by Body Count are used in Talkin' Thin Line Blues.

Lyrics from All I Really Want by Alanis Morissette are used in If You Think My Tits Are Small, Wait Until You See My Will To Live.

Alanis Moreupset is a parody of Au Revoir (Adios) by The Front Bottoms and references the songs Ironic, Hand In My Pocket, and You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette,

A quote from The Dispossessed: An Ambiguous Utopia by Ursula Le Guin is used in Ya Gotta Eat Too.


released June 13, 2022

This iteration of BIG GAY is:
Natty Bumppo: guitar and vocals
Matt Taylor: whistling
Tim Swanson: accordion
Wes Meadows: fan organ, guitar, percussion, and backing vocals


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